Café de Nuit

Granted, instead they all buy into the televangelism thing, not caring about the huge bust the Roberts family is going through right now.

I wish I didn't bruise so easily.

Granted! Your skin turns to a thick, hardly elastic marble-like substance. You don't bruise so easily but it takes supreme effort to move and you cannot coordinate your movement.

I wish I had the new 4th edition ruleset and that it will be as good as I expect it will be. Oh, and that it will be in English.

Granted! A set of the three 4e core rules (in English) appear out of thin air in front of you. You start to eagerly reading them through and, yes, they're good... they're really good! In fact, you can't remember reading through a better designed rules set in your entire life! And the artwork is perfect! Naturally, you can't stop reading the books until you've read them all cover to back about three times each (it's really that good!), so as to fully understand the system and have a good enough grasp of the rules. Of course, that takes you a few days off work (well, a week, actually) so you get fired. But it doesn't matter, because now you have even more time to enjoy the new edition! And before anybody else!

But wait... The rest of the human race is not worthy of such an excellent creation, so you spend your lifetime savings (and a few bank loans) buying every copy of the books that you can get your hands on.

After that, you run away into the wilderness so you can live the rest of your days as a very happy (if somewhat insane) hermit, playing D&D 4e all by yourself.

I wish I had perfect eyesight and didn't need to use glasses. And please, no other physical or mental disabilities.

Granted, but as soon as your eyesight improves, all sources of light, everywhere, disappear. As a result your vision is useless.

I wish I could finally get caught up on all my reading for class.

Granted! You are soon caught out in a horrific scandal involving two professors, three students, a giant cauldron of pasta, a flock of seagulls, and a goat. While the shocking story splashes across the worldwide news and you're busy saving up for comprehensive plastic surgery so that no one will scream in horror when they see you any more, you realize that thanks to the cancellation of the class, you have at last caught up with your reading.

I wish they'd invent good-tasting, zero-calorie ice cream with no negative health effects.

Granted. It's available now for $576.25 per quart at a science lab near you! Enjoy it in shot-glass-sized bits and bites!

I wish there was some other way of learning law than being in three years of law school and not coming out with any actual substantive practical knowledge.

Granted! By inadvertantly violating 33 laws today, you find yourself on trial, in an open-and-shut case, which results in life imprisonment for you, with no possibility of parole. But by the time it's over, you understand the law VERY well, without having to spend any time in law school whatsoever.

I wish my cat wouldn't pee on the floor.

Granted. Unfortunately, though, your cat now uses your bed as its bathroom and you are forced to change your sheets everyday.

I wish my dog didn't bark so much.

Granted. Your dog now howls non-stop at 120 decibels, and does so off-key, in tones that grate on your nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard. This leaves it no voice or time to spare for barking.

I wish the cushions on my couch weren't wearing out.

Granted! They dont wear out, in fact they are so impervious to wear that they survive the coming nuclear armegeddon and beocme the sole island of saefty for you and the remains of humanity. You therefore spend the rest of your life fighting a pitched battle for control of the upper left hand corner of your favourite cushion against a bunch of mangaesque post apocalytic street punks with dangerously spiked hair.

I wish beer was free...

Granted! Now the cushions of your bed are made from stone, they don't wear out, but everytime you want to throw yourself on the bed there is a great chance you'll break your neck. So you are forced to sleep on the carpet floor.... that will eventually wear out.

I wish I was stranded on a desert Island with nothing but my wildest dreams come true.

lostboy wrote:Granted! They dont wear out, in fact they are so impervious to wear that they survive the coming nuclear armegeddon and beocme the sole island of saefty for you and the remains of humanity. You therefore spend the rest of your life fighting a pitched battle for control of the upper left hand corner of your favourite cushion against a bunch of mangaesque post apocalytic street punks with dangerously spiked hair.

I wish beer was free...

Woops! My answer came a little bit too late, , so here's mine for lost boy:

Granted! On a daring move, beer is made free in every country on the planet. You drink so much beer that you loose your sense of taste, so now drinking beer is like drinking yellow water, dissapointed and depressed youn return to drink cool-aid.

I wish I was stranded on a desert Island with nothing but my wildest dreams come true

Granted. Welcome to Farelle. (Well, you did capitalize "Island", Farelle's a pretty dry place, and you do hang out on this website, so it's a safe bet that Ravenloft figures somewhere in your wildest dreams.... )

Oh, and it's my couch that's wearing out, not my bed.

I wish people would stop making overlapping posts on this thread, as they're a mite more confusing than my tired-out brain cares to deal with after a long day at work.

Grant, people now paste all of the entire thread into their messages when making a new post before adding their own solutions and wishes at random intervals within the endless strng of previouslt granted wishes.

I wish I could get the first turn in games of 40k.

Granted! Everyone in your area gives up playing 40k, leaving you nobody to play against but yourself. At least you get the first, and for that matter evey, move...

I wish Mel Brooks was still making movies, and of the same quality as Blazing Saddles and Space Balls.