After The Horror - Comments

[TheArcaneWeirdo]

I think I've always been fascinated by the characters who are out of the game. Too broken to participate the main plot. Lucky if they even get screen time.
I mean, they still have their stories, right? But normally these aren't stories we want to hear. Too bleak, too passive, too disturbing...

This story is about those characters. The ones whose story didn't end well, and are now left to deal with the consequences.
Them - and their therapist.

(The fanfic is named after the section in VRGtR about communication in the party between sessions.)

[TheArcaneWeirdo]

Link to the story:

viewtopic.php?t=12369

[Manofevil]

Is the word ‘ain’t’ used in the domain of dread?

[Speedwagon]

I really enjoyed this! I'll write up a more detailed review once I'm not so groggy but I wanted to at least share that.

And given the anachronistic vibes of Ravenloft, I don't see no problem with ain't. I reckon that places like Arkandale or Verbrek, which're a stone's toss away from Mordent, probably use that. And I tend to operate Ravenloft, depending on my party, anywhere between Call of Cthulhu levels of detail on the setting's inspirations or Bridgerton vibes when it comes to taking liberties with aspects that might get in the way of us all having fun. The lexicon & diction of everyday parlance tends to fall into the latter for me, so it might (or might not) for you as well.

[TheArcaneWeirdo]

Is the word ‘ain’t’ used in the domain of dread?

Hello Manofevil, I'm happy to meet another person with an eye for words.
I'm trying to look over the story and see where I used 'ain't' - I can't find the sentence. It's strange, because I do remember changing a couple of 'wanna' to 'want to' so the dialogue won't sound overly modern. This is practically a first draft - I'm posting this as I write, with barely any revision. Maybe if enough people like the story I'll edit it and post a version with more character-appropriate speach styles. (Narana is especially interesting in this regard, because she was born to a Nova Vassan noble family and must have heard mostly formal Vassi, then spent her early adulthood among sailors and picked up some of their slang - but now she's speaking Mordentish, a second language for her!)

Also note that if I really cared about linguistic accuracy in this story, I'd have to make all characters speak Middle English with bits of French and Old English, when Narana also adds some Russian to the mix - and then no one including me will understand what in the nine hells they're saying.

For now, consider this a translation from the original Mordentish to modern English.

[Speedwagon]

Alright, time for a more detailed review.

Already I enjoy the basic premise of "After the Horror"—of what happens to those adventurers and other folk who go insane and then have to recover, instead of being left insane or being abused by predatory sanitariums & mad doctors. That enjoyment is only elevated by the prose TheArcaneWeirdo offers, with a more intimate & personal touch given to the internal thoughts & descriptions of each character. I also don't feel like they suffer from "floating heads" syndrome, where there isn't enough movement in the dialogue or reminders that they're sitting and chatting instead of acting as incorporeal floating heads.

I myself struggle with clinical depression & ADHD. My girlfriend as well, for that matter. While I've been relatively blessed to have had good therapists & psychiatrists in the past, I'm also blessed because my parents are doctors and I've grown up with a positive bias towards such professions and institutions. Someone like my girlfriend did not have that experience—she's highly critical and skeptical of mental health professionals and mental health treatments due to them not working for her in the past and the abuses she has suffered from them. And I've had (still have!) friends who run the gamut of life experience coming to this topic. I think the story is useful, if only to show a different take on sanitariums within the Mists than the more infamous examples (like Heinfroth's Asylum or the abuses of Dr. Tasker in the Nightmare Lands). I also like the advancement of the Weathermay-Foxgrove Twins' timeline; I figured that Gennifer's interest in Bevel from LotB would be something that the 3e writers might have wanted to explore in the future, and I like the naming of their child to be Rudolph. Narana Hiregaard is also cool to read, at least in how well her skepticism (justified) at mental health practitioners is handled. I would have expected her, in her madwomen quote, to have also elaborated on how difficult it is to believe women even when they aren't mad (old asylums hospitalizing women for "hysterical behavior") and that it's made even more difficult in Nova Vaasa, but maybe that might be expanded upon in future updates.

In terms of writing-related criticism, I'd say that you don't have to bold certain words. I get why it's done and I've read my fair share of fanfiction and comic books which bold keywords to convey a point, but I think the emphasis that characters put on certain meanings and the tone they hold can convey that bolding better than the bolding itself, at times. I get the usefulness of bolding in RP culture (I'm also familiar with that, to a degree) but I think it's like training wheels in prose---useful at first but you eventually learn to write beyond it. This isn't me trying to be mean as much as it is something that I've also learned through feedback in the past.

Keep up the good work!

[TheArcaneWeirdo]

Alright, time for a more detailed review.

Already I enjoy the basic premise of "After the Horror"—of what happens to those adventurers and other folk who go insane and then have to recover, instead of being left insane or being abused by predatory sanitariums & mad doctors. That enjoyment is only elevated by the prose TheArcaneWeirdo offers, with a more intimate & personal touch given to the internal thoughts & descriptions of each character. I also don't feel like they suffer from "floating heads" syndrome, where there isn't enough movement in the dialogue or reminders that they're sitting and chatting instead of acting as incorporeal floating heads.

Thank you very much.
(I think the 'floating heads' syndrom is a common issue in fanfiction, for two reasons:
1) I started, and I think many people start writing fanfiction, from writing off-screen scenes within the setting and timeframe of the original work. A story of this sort is written under the assumption that if anyone will ever read it, it'll be a fan just as obssessive as you are, who knows everything you know. Meaning that the worldbuilding, the characterizing, the major plot - all this work was saved from you, because it was already done by the original author. If I'm writing a conversation between Harry and Hermione, there's no need to explain to my readers who's Harry, who's Hermione, what's Hogwarts - it all goes without saying. The only variable, the only thing your reader wants to find out, is what the Harry and Hermione are talking about now. So if you only ever train on this sort of writing, you aren't used to needing descriptions, so you don't learn to use them. Even when you move on to writing more large-scale fanfics, you won't be aware of the problem. Especially if you read more fanfiction for the works you already know than new original works. I think it's less of a flaw and more like a characteristic of the format.
I think the reasons I don't have that trait are
A. I have original stories too, I had gone through the work of establishing new characters and locations, I'm used to needing these introductions and descriptions.
B. My creative writing teacher in middle school really insisted I'd practice descriptions. Like, long paragraphs of description-only. It felt like a waste of time, but it instilled in me the realisation that yes, a story is more than just dialouge.

I myself struggle with clinical depression & ADHD. My girlfriend as well, for that matter. While I've been relatively blessed to have had good therapists & psychiatrists in the past, I'm also blessed because my parents are doctors and I've grown up with a positive bias towards such professions and institutions. Someone like my girlfriend did not have that experience—she's highly critical and skeptical of mental health professionals and mental health treatments due to them not working for her in the past and the abuses she has suffered from them. And I've had (still have!) friends who run the gamut of life experience coming to this topic. I think the story is useful, if only to show a different take on sanitariums within the Mists than the more infamous examples (like Heinfroth's Asylum or the abuses of Dr. Tasker in the Nightmare Lands).

Thank you! This really was my intention, to give people representation. I have some friends who struggle with mental illnesses, and there's just such a big gap between the way I know them and how mainstream media portrays 'madness'. I wanted to take the real picture and drag it all the way back to fantasy.

I also like the advancement of the Weathermay-Foxgrove Twins' timeline; I figured that Gennifer's interest in Bevel from LotB would be something that the 3e writers might have wanted to explore in the future, and I like the naming of their child to be Rudolph.

I'm actually really waiting to explore Gennifer and Bevel's relationship. Like, she's a very genuine, very empathetic person, a bit idealistic, and he's very cynical and down-to-earth. Either they'd balance eachother off, or they'd constantly clash - depending on whether they respect eachother's perspectives, which from the little we've seen I think they can: She'd been Van Richten's protege for long enough to learn that every great vision needs a practical plan to make it come true, and he... Like, her genuineness is what he loves in her. He grew up around liars and traitors and sees the problem about a society run by them - a partner who actually believes in her ideals and manages to live by them is everything he'd ever dreamt of. I do think Bevel should've gone through a lot of self-development for any relationship to work for him. Otherwise it could be... A very toxic relationship. (Pun absolutely and unashamedly intended.) And there's also the darklord in-laws issue: Every self-respecting adventurer could find a way around Ivana's objection, but what way was it? And how would it impact inter-domain politics?

The name 'Rudolph' is very intentional. There were other logical naming options for this character, (Jules, Alice, maybe a name from Bevel's side of the family...) but I decided to parallelize him with Van Richten. Because Van Richten started something in Ravenloft. He wasn't the first monster-hunter, obviously, but I think he was the first one to not only record his experience this thoroughly, but print it, arm the masses with information - making it easier for others to follow him. The WF sisters were the second generation of this. They didn't have too much experience to share when they took up his mantle, but they did have +the power of friendship+ and the organizational skills to create and strengthen collaborations between adventurers (the Van RIchten Society), building up on his work.
I've read somewhere that with every project or organization that lasts long enough, from a buisness company to a country, there's this pattern: The first generation initiates. It faces the hardest external challenges, but has a strong enough purpose and motivation to handle them. The second generation expands, builds up on what its formers started. It faces challenges of its own and is a little further from the intensive inspiration of the first one, but still has a clear direction. The third generation, on the other hand, is in a strange problem: it enters a neat, functional system, that looks like it really only needs him to keep things going the way they were - but nothing stays the same forever, right? And people always have this need to improve and change stuff, even if they don't technically have to. So should the third generation just preserve what had been built, or try to reform or expand further? And in what way? The third generation is always uncertain, always debating, always desparate to find out what's their role in the story. The third generation usually faces an inner crisis and either causes the ruin of the project, or overcomes said crisis and reemerges stronger - meaning the fourth generation is either nonexistent or more stable than ever, and you'll never know which is which until the fat lady sings.
This is Rudolph Weathermay-Boritsi's conflict (beyond his dissociation disorder): He's a member of the third generation of the VRS. What's his role in the story? Can he really be a hero like his namesake, even a better one? Does the impact his first experience with real horrors had on him mark him forever as a victim? What if he's the monster?

Narana Hiregaard is also cool to read, at least in how well her skepticism (justified) at mental health practitioners is handled. I would have expected her, in her madwomen quote, to have also elaborated on how difficult it is to believe women even when they aren't mad (old asylums hospitalizing women for "hysterical behavior") and that it's made even more difficult in Nova Vaasa, but maybe that might be expanded upon in future updates.

Narana is cool, yes.
I kinda feel bad for her, because I literally just wanted a Hiregaard character to explore the 'family curse' thing, so I took an innocent level-one character that was pretty much a blank slate (Remember her in LotB?), gave her trauma and made her fail a couple of power checks. But don't worry, I have good stuff in store for her later on.
The thing is, I initially imagined a male character with a certain backstory, personality and plotline, and then saw Narana's character sheet and kinda stitched it on her. I thought 'okay, I imagined a man in this slot, but why can't it be a woman? Do I really want the entire main cast to be male?' I tried to be genderblind with my character building, and missed the fact I'm tackling an issue that has a gender component that maybe should be referred to. Yes, I will try to address this later in the story. Thank you for opening my eyes.

In terms of writing-related criticism, I'd say that you don't have to bold certain words. I get why it's done and I've read my fair share of fanfiction and comic books which bold keywords to convey a point, but I think the emphasis that characters put on certain meanings and the tone they hold can convey that bolding better than the bolding itself, at times. I get the usefulness of bolding in RP culture (I'm also familiar with that, to a degree) but I think it's like training wheels in prose---useful at first but you eventually learn to write beyond it. This isn't me trying to be mean as much as it is something that I've also learned through feedback in the past.

Guilty as charged.

Keep up the good work!

Once again, thank you very much for offerring feedback.